my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
