I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
