Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
