I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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