Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
