It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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