Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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