i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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