he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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