YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
