You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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