Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
