just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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