can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
