when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
