well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
