I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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