Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
