if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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