I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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