I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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