Just cropdusted the office
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
