i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
