I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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