Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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