talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
