There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
