last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
