Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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