What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
