You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
