I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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