I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
