So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
