You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
