Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
