Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
