and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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