There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
40s are totally the cure
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
