a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
