we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
