can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
