But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
