I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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