Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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