There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
