You made me cry and you don't even care
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
