So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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