i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
