her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Another day, another engagement, another cat
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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