He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
