It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
