my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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