Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
