How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
