I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
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