Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
