no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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