last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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