New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
